(Published Feb 2020)
Looking for a copywriter in Sydney Australia? I’m pretty busy over the next few months feeding, bathing, burping, changing and cuddling a tiny human. I’ll be back on deck in a few months. But in the meantime - just for a bit of fun – here are a few of my top observations about having a 4th baby, and being in your 40s this time round to boot…
Body ‘bounce back’ – what’s that?
You might morph back into shape pretty quick after your first baby – but 4th time around there’s no way you’re getting back that pre-baby profile for a loooong time. Goodbye abs, hello abdominal separation. No, I didn’t know this was a thing either. I’m not even sure a month post-birth that my organs have made it back to where they should be yet.
Showing some skin – and lots of it
Where did all this excess skin come from? I know my belly expanded exponentially and obviously the skin stretched with it, but seriously? It looks like a sad, crinked deflated balloon that has been forgotten after a party and all the ‘new baby’ celebrations have ended. Note to self – don’t bend down. That’s when things really hang loose and go south.
Elastic is your fashion friend…
You know those stretchy bandages in first aid kits? Imagine a giant sized one of those that you’re given to wear around your middle straight after the birth. ‘To help hold things in place’ says the cheery midwife, clearly feeling sorry for my 4th baby body. Er…what things? Liver? Kidneys? Hashtag: #Attractive. But elastic waists are truly a godsend in your post-baby clothes, unless they’re too tight. Then all your post-baby weight will find other places to bulge out instead. One lump or two?
…And so are hats and sunnies
So you think you’ll have time to do your hair or even make up before you leave the house? Ha ha ha! I forgot that babies come with an auto fussiness radar (it has been eight years since I last had a newborn) that detects when you might be trying to do something ‘non-baby’ related. And yes, that includes showering or going to the toilet. It’s a preservation tool to make sure they are your sole centre of attention at all times. Fact. So just put on a hat and sunglasses (or even a full ski mask if you have one). So no one can see your hair. Or your face.
Sleep is for the weak
We’ve all seen those funny videos of cute infants dozing off and faceplanting into their spaghetti dinner. That’s going to be you. It’s a well-known fact that babies don’t sleep. Not at night at least. Which means you don’t either. But what they don’t tell you is the torture of desperately trying to keep yourself awake during those middle of the night feeds as baby sleepily guzzles, so you don’t doze off and keel over, baby in arms. Believe me, it’s happened.
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